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Monday, March 26, 2012

Panty Hose and Incontinence

Okay, so it’s time for my annual Spring Pre-Passover rant session.  Normally at this time, I spend a few qualitative moments discussing (okay, ranting) about Passover food prices, or the store manager’s lack of education regarding kosher for Passover fare.  I mean, really, why do people think that tea biscuits, cream soda and kichel are typical Jewish holiday essentials? Yet, I see them on the shelf in all of their NOT for kosher Passover glory. 

 No, I have chosen to move on from Passover, the money is spent, the items are expensive, the work is daunting, the cleaning is a pain in the tuchus, but that’s neither here nor there because today’s rant is far more important.  Today I have chosen to rag on CVS, because, well, I can.
My sordid tale begins with the innocent search for a pair of panty hose. I needed a nice, very sheer pair that provided Spanx like control without having to mortgage my house.  Now, here’s the deal, while I don’t like to admit that “truss hose” are an important essential , they nonetheless are and I have come to accept the fact, that when dressing for a formal affair, they really do provide the smoothness and control one needs.  After extensive research (Google), I came to understand that no self respecting celebrity walks the red carpet without a good pair of Spanx, so I began to feel better. After all, if Gwyneth, Jessica Alba, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Garner need Spanx to pour skinny their little selves into hip hugging couture, then there is no shame, NO SHAME, in buying a $5 knock off to smooth out whatever needs smoothing on my not- so- perfect body.  After all, self acceptance is an important thing!

I found the panty hose. I found the color, size, and control I looked for, RIGHT NEXT TO THE ADULT DIAPER SECTION…A.K.A. THE INCONTINENCE AISLE.   Seriously CVS?  You couldn’t put the hose in a different section or daresay move the incontinent section elsewhere like, closer to the soda aisle?  It was like looking at my present and my formidable future all at once and it definitely annoyed me.  It’s one thing to accept a flawed body, it’s quite another to accept a flawed bladder accompanied by the shadow of old age.  Sigh.

This isn’t my first gripe over product placement. Should I even mention how they placed the “planned parenthood” section smack dab in front of the pharmacy?  Yeah, truly appreciative that my precocious 7 year old with a third grade reading level wants to know what a lubricant is, or begins to sound out the word con-dom.  “Hey, Mom, what’s a condom, and why is there a horse on the box?”  Lovely.  Who knew that waiting for your asthma inhaler could be so educational and informative?  I’m so “grateful” to CVS for providing an open forum opportunity to talk to my 7 year old about safe sex.   Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who complained, because they eventually moved that section. Now, it’s next to the Tums and other assorted indigestion meds…hmmmmm.  Now what kind of message is that?

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